Cleo Lima Fernandes
Right Now-So I Don’t Forget
At this very moment in your life you are incredibly happy. You are going to marry the LOVE of your life in a little over a month. Yes, you are nervous and anxiety-ridden over the wedding and making the commitment, but he is worth it.
You have THE cutest pup in the world who loves you and I very much. She is the light of your life.
You are in the midst of making some very important, life-changing decisions. Follow your guy. Ignore the financial aspects (as much as you can), ignore what other people say and do what you can/should while you’re young, adventurous, and ready to take on the world. Don’t let your fear decided your fate.
Is happiness a real thing?
Is there such thing as being truly, truly happy and content? I mean how is that even possible? Right now, I am struggling with decisions that I made months ago and how really, at this point I’ve sort of boxed myself in. I’ve “limited” myself or at least that’s how I feel.
Others tell me that I made the best decision for myself and that I am “smart” for knowing my limits-but the things is, I don’t want to have limits. I want to be able to do it all and not have my anxiety determine/shape my life. Sadly (or maybe not sadly?) it is.
In conclusion, my anxiety is something I still struggle to accept and embrace as a part of who I am. I am not sad about it, rather I am mad. I am mad that I have a chemical imbalance that psychotropic drugs can only do so much for. I am mad that I “cannot” take certain risks or even attempt them.
This being mad at my anxiety thing is new to me, normally I just let the sadness roll in. I wonder if this is progress? Will the next step be acceptance or denial? Have I regressed? Did I make the wrong decision back in September when I chose to move away and go back into my comfort zone? Am I regretting what is already done?
Can I just once be in a total state of happiness or at least be content? That’s really all I want in the entire world.